the mother of all unfinished objects

Don't worry, it has a happy ending.

Once upon a time we decided to have a baby. We went to work on it in the usual way. Seasons went by. We were having fun but were still childless. I realized we were going to have to take some action, some serious action, to make parenthood a reality.

I did what anyone in my situation would do. I researched. I looked at books & magazines on the subject, I paid extra close attention to pregnant women, who by the way, were waddling around EVERYWHERE.

I had to knit myself the most awesome maternity sweater ever.

It had to be big, and it had to be colorful. Keep in mind it was the 80's and even skinny non-gestating women were wearing XL oversize colorfully patterned sweaters with their leggings. Don't believe me? Watch any Cosby re-run . Uh-huh! Told you so.

Mine was to be even more huge and even more multi-colored. My favorite yarn at the time was Brown Sheep Lambs Pride. I bought enough to de-nude a whole flock of Nebraskan sheep. Then I bought a few skeins more, because who wants to be caught without that last skein. (sadly I've lost this instinct but that's another story).

This is my cardigan pattern. Instead of fashionably, ridiculously oversized- what were we thinking- I cast on for an even larger version. Good for the full nine months with room to spare. I knit, and knit, and eventually finished the back, and both fronts. I started a sleeve. I was working on other things as well, so this undertaking spread itself over a stretch of time, during which it proved to be as successful as other less pleasant fertility efforts.

Check this out. Its ,um, sizable.

Long story short: 15 years ago this week, we got the call we'd been waiting for. From an orphanage in Colombia . In a flash I stopped thinking about the sweater. I started thinking thoughts like- WTF were we thinking? We're really going to be parents? Ay Caramba!

And so, my masterpiece became a UFO. For years, I'd take it out each fall and do a few rows, assuming I'd still love to wear it, and honoring how much I'd already finished.

Just last year it occurred to me - duh!- I don't have to finish it. No way would I wear this massive unstylish blanket of faux fair isle, even if it were finished, blocked and buttoned.

If this were a really good story I'd end by telling you that I'm using all that extra Brown Sheep yardage making sweaters for my now 15 and almost 12 year old sons. I'd be lying. They don't like to wear wool. (?!)

I've been saving the back in case I think of a brilliant morph for it. I was going to felt it and make something, but Kay mentioned that Brown Sheep in yellow doesn't felt. So it might just be weird and pucker-y. I'm open to suggestions.